Beautiful, Loved, and Blessed

I'm a Prince fan, but moreso his old music. He does have some newer joints that are solid though- like Incense & Candles, Cinnamon Girl, and Beautiful, Loved, and Blessed. 

Anyway, I wanted to let each and every one of you know that you are those things. You are BEAUTIFUL, LOVED, AND BLESSED. No matter what anyone else says, or doesn't say. I'm not one of those people who spend time dwelling on my "haters", because I'm far more concerned with my "lovers". Don't get me wrong- it's better to let your haters be your motivators than to sit around concerned about what negative energy your detractors are spouting out. However, accentuate the positive. Surround yourself with positive people and things. Put people in your life who are constantly motivating you to do better and to be better. No one who claims to love you should be hurting you, putting you down, or making you feel plain lousy. Also, beware of "frenemies". You know- the people who claim to be your friends but you find yourself in constant competition with them? Your friend should be the main one cheering you on when you achieve your goals- they should not be pointing out how things could have been so much better if you did XYZ. 

Be comfortable in your own skin. I'm the first to admit this wasn't always easy for me. Back in the day I constantly had to have someone around me. I couldn't stand to be alone even for an afternoon. I partied 6 nights a week just to be in the crowd. As I matured and began truly loving myself I quickly realized that with me is where I want to be. I now enjoy those brief moments of solitude where I can work out solutions in my head, or curl up with a good book. Or even veg out on the couch and clean out my dvr which is always at 90 something % full. Me time is critical! 

You may not be on the cover of Vogue, but you're beautiful. You may not have found "the one" yet, but you're loved by someone. And you may not be a millionaire- but you're blessed. You're beautiful because God molded you. You're loved because you love yourself. And you're blessed because you're alive reading this. 

-E.B.

Natural Hair Video Uploads!!!

Hey guys! I haven't forgotten about my blog. I've been super busy this year, but I have taken the time to make several Youtube videos with tutorials and product reviews to help my fellow transitioning and natural sisters on their journeys. Take a look. I do reviews on Kinky Curly Curling Custard, the Mixed Silk line by Silk Elements, and there are a few videos on 2 strand twists.

http://www.youtube.com/user/BrooklynEscapades

 

Please rate, comment and subscribe! I don't have many subscribers yet, but when I reach 100 I will do a giveaway, and then do one at each milestone (500, 1000, 5000, and gasp! 10,000).

I really think Youtube has been instrumental in helping me learn and love my tresses, and I want to give back some of the knowledge I have gleaned along the way! Happy hair growing!

-Escape Brooklyn

Big Red X on Ipod Screen (What Apple Doesn't Want You To Know)

You know what they say. Arm yourself with knowledge.

So I'm up working on the late night tip and discovered that my ipod might be truly broken and beyond recovery. I started to cry some baby tears because this ipod is VERY well taken care of. It's my second ipod. The first one (a 30 gig) still works well but I ran out of space so I gave it to one of my teens. I then went out and purchased a 160 gig Classic. I keep it in a case that covers every centimeter of it except the click wheel. I have never dropped it or gotten it wet. I only use it when connected it to either the jack in my car or my Bose Sound Dock. So imagine my surprise when this ugly scary message wouldn't leave my ipod screen:

www.apple.com/support/ipod

After trying all the normal steps on apples website to the point of my thumbs hurting, I decided to search youtube. And voila! There were like 2 videos on the art of smacking an ipod back into shape. When I tell you I beat this ipod like it stole something (with open palm of course- and taking care not to damage the screen)... Anyway, the ipod kicked itself right out of purgatory and into the land of the living. I got a plug icon on the screen which prompted me to plug the ipod into my laptop to restore it.

Yes, I said RESTORE. Unfortunately you will have to restore your baby to factory settings if you ever see this nasty error. But it's a small price to pay as opposed to a brand new ipod or a trip to the Apple store for repairs. Wouldn't you agree? And though I have become an Apple FanGirl over the years and destest all Microsoft products, I am not trying to put more zeros in Steve Jobs bank account. I haven't even had this ipod two years. I am NOT trying to shell out hundreds of dollars on another one- or even one dollar on servicing this one. So I tried a simple method and had rousing success. Try searching apples website for any real answers and you'll end up with red thumbtips and a nice fat bill from "The Genius Squad" at your local Apple Store.

I would encourage everyone to try little remedies like this first before shelling out the big bucks at shops or replacing an item. I wouldn't recommend opening up the case and fiddling around with chips and wires- but if a good smack on the back of an ipod can save me some dough- I'm all for it. Of course I'll pass that knowledge on to you.

So faithful readers, always back up your music, movies, games etc. And when your ipod acts up- slap that sucka back in line with a few well placed pops.

The Fleecing of America Part #1: High School Graduations

Some of you may know that my oldest "baby" graduated from High School this past year. Friday, June 11, 2010 to be exact. To make a very long story short, I calculate that I shelled out close to five thousand dollars on her during the course of her senior year.

I know. You're sitting there with your mouth agape. And though I can't remember ALL the fees, I do remember getting a "checklist" when she was a junior. Many of those activities, events and items cost well over $500. There were at least ten things on the list. Now, even though she didn't do all of them, she did enough. Coupled with her cotillion which took place that Sunday, June 13, 2010, I can safely say I spent well over $4,000 on baby girl.

Now, I'm not a penny pincher. Though I am not living as glamorously as I did when I was working in corporate America and getting bonus checks that were 5 digits, I still like to have nice things. I drive a late model car, that I purchased brand new. In fact, out of the five cars I've purchased in my life, three of them were brand new. Though I maintain my hair at home now- it's mostly because I'm trying keep it healthy and getting it fried, dyed and laid to the side every week at Maria's Dominicana Salon or Bonita's Bump N Curl kinda counteract that goal. However, I get my pink and white manicures, pedicures and eyebrows done on the reg. I still shop, eat out, purchase gadgets, do a bit of traveling, tithe (yes, 10%. Praise God from whom all blessings flow). But I'm sorry, thousands of bucks for a graduation, especially in this economy is some bull.

Keep in mind, I just got married last September. We're still paying for something things from that event. Though we paid for a lot of things cash and many other things were gifted to us from family and loved ones- we still paid a pretty penny for our wedding. We had about 100 guests, give or take 5 or 10. We had an open bar at a restaurant that overlooks the water and has an amazing view of the Miami night sky line. We had a lavish buffet, a stretch Hummer... yadda yadda yadda. So yeah. We already paid out the wazoo for our wedding. After all, me and the marriage thing is a ONE time event. So fairy tale it had to be. But over the top graduations... No.

I'm going to her THIRD graduation this year next Tuesday. She graduated from basic training back in September. She graduates from AIT next week. I'm sure the Army will have another 5 graduations before it's all said and done. And of course, she'll graduate from undergrad, grad and hopefully post grad schools. So...

I guess what I'm ranting about is the fact that these companies are pimping the hell out of these kids and their parents. We are not rich. When I had my big corporate America job I was upper middle classed at best. Now that I'm doing my own thing I'm scraping along the fringes of lower middle class, and POOR. So imagine my surprise when my 16 year old junior called me yesterday to tell me that HER ring is pricing out at a cool $700? Her sisters, just last year was $600. Are they mad?

And then if you try to get yours done with another vendor, they bar your child from participating in the ring ceremony which is supposed to be the "official moment when juniors become rising seniors". I saw the sadness in my 16 year olds eyes when I said "Hell to the no!" Well, actually I said "Absolutely not!", but I was thinking the former. Of course, after thinking about it, I can NOT deny her what her sister had just last year. Especially when she's doing so well in school, and balances all her activities and studies to perfection. In fact, because she's such a super girl, she's being honored at an event this Saturday. She won't even be around to accept the award (I'm accepting it on her behalf). She'll be out of town at a weekend conference for one of her organizations. Did I mention she's also been tapped to be on the Board of Directors at a non-profit that mentors inner city youth? So yeah, she deserves to get the ring she wants. But why does it have to be so damned expensive?!

Last point- after my oldest graduated last year there was this vendor outside selling replicas of their diplomas at $35 a pop. I know how much it costs to make those little plaque thingys. En masse- probably about $5 each. So do the math. 700 graduating seniors x $30 profits = $21,000 at ONE graduation. These companies are coming up on us and pimping us for every dollar in our pocket and we just smile and ask may we have another. I promise if we have more kids we won't even get sucked into this mess. And they won't know any better because we never exposed them to any of it to begin with.

#END RANT#

Happy Anniversary! 1+ Year Post Relaxer

As I stated in my earlier blog about Brazillian Keratin Treatments I am transitioning my hair from relaxed to natural, which for me will mean relaxer free. It has been a long journey full of self discovery and enlightnment, but it has also had some low points like close mindedness from others, setbacks (I lost about a sixth of my hair on one side due to someone who was doing my hair not taking the time to detangle properly) and just downright fatigue.

As I stated in another post It's Just Hair! Don't make it more than it is. Do what you want to do with your hair because at the end of the day what you put in yours doesn't hinder or benefit mine and vice versa. I am a very strong minded person and don't mind having a discussion about an issue, but make no mistake about it- once my mind is made up it's made up and nothing you say or do will change my opinion. 

Unlike some women who have chosen this journey, I don't look down on women who continue to relax their hair. Shoot, everyone who knows me KNOWS I love a freshly done Dominican blow out. I loved the way my hair looked relaxed. The thing was, it was TOO relaxing. It gets boring after a while. There is but so much you can do with bone straight hair. Going natural means I can be bone straight on Friday and curly wild child tresses on Sunday. That's the versatiliy of it all. Also, I think we all know that any type of chemcial altering to your hair damages it by design. The actual process of chemically treating your hair means you are breaking down the hair strand to rebuild it into something else. Whether that rebuilding means straight to curly, curly to straight, keratin in gaps, dark hair stripped to apply a lighter color etc, your hair is forever changed. Eventually thinning will occur because hair can't withstand all that forever. And don't come telling me about your relaxed hair grandnana who still has hair to her butt. It may be to her butt- but is it full and healthy? I would never trade long hair for healthy hair. If my hair was a finger snap long but full, healthy and shiny as opposed to waist length and ratty with see-through ends I'll stick with finger snap all day long.

But yeah, happy anniversary to me! I had planned on blowing out my hair this week to see how much it has grown but I'm good. I really don't care. I wear it twisted most of the time anyway so it doesn't matter at this juncture how long it is. I just can't wait to trim off the last of these straight ends! 

Here are some pictures I took the other night with my phone. Not the best resolution but you get the point.

Lata!

HAIR IN 4 SECTIONS. MAKES FOR EASY WASHING AND DETANGLING. I'LL EXPLAIN IN A LATER BLOG.

HAIR IS PAST SHOULDERS

NEED TO CLIP THESE SCRAGGLY ENDS! BUT STILL WANNA ROCK A PONYTAIL EVERY NOW AND THEN SO FOR NOW I WAIT!

 

CURLY ROOTS, RELAXED ENDS. CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE JUST ONE TEXTURE!!!

Nearly 1 Year Post Relaxer...

I know, I don't update. But reading an article a friend sent me about the dangers of Brazillian Keratin Treatments, or BKT as some ladies call it, I felt compelled to say something.

First, I got a Brazillian Keratin treament earlier this year. I was convinced by my stylist and a good friend of mine that it would help me in my journey away from chemicals and into my natural haired state. The reasons why I took the plunge were:

1. I was having a lot of issues with my hair. To this day I think I had the urban myth of scab hair on my head. After I stopped using relaxers I thought that the full, thick, kinky curly tresses of my childhood that I would see in my new growth would quickly reappear. They didn't, and instead an ugly, dry tangled mat of unruliness adorned the top of my head to the point where I wanted to slap a perm in it and keep it moving. BKT seemed like a less caustic alternative.

2. I was told that BKT was made up mostly of keratin, which is supposedly healthy for your hair.

3. BKT was supposed to "fill the gaps in my hair cuticles" that had been damaged by relaxers, styling and heat.

4. Though my hair would still look beautiful when blown straight, it lacked shine. I was told that BKT would give me that glossy look that I had been so used to my whole relaxed life.

5. I like being the first among my friends to do stuff. I like to be the trendsetter, not the follower. ;)

Here are the reasons I STOPPED BKT'ing after that one time. No, I do NOT use BKT on my hair any longer and heres why:

1. It's too expensive! Who has $200+ to spend in one sitting? In addition to the regular visits to the stylist?

2. It's too caustic. I shouldn't be about to faint from the smell of my stylist applying it. Similarly, she should not be donning a gas mask and butchers apron with gloves up to her arpits either. If the stylist needs THAT much protection from the chemical during the application process why the heck should I put that mess on my HEAD?

3. It's still a chemical. Stopping relaxers and opting for BKT instead is doing nothing but going from one chemical dependency to another.

4. After you first get it done you can't get your hair wet for like 3 days. I live in South Florida. Sometimes I get caught in the rain. I also can't take a shower without the nape of my hair getting wet. $250 down the drain is not a good look.

5. Though my hair was fly afterwards, it wasn't fly enough to justify aallllll that stuff I just listed. I'll put up some pictures of my hair relaxer straight and BKT straight and you be the judge.

So there you have it. Ladies you make the decision for what is right for YOUR head. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life or to argue about what's healthy, cost effecient or whatever. But for Ms. Escape Brooklyn, I'll stick to the basics in hair care from now on.

It's Just Hair!

Why are black people so caught up on hair?

It's a question I keep asking myself as I deal with the barrage of confusion that people feel towards me for deciding to go natural.

My entire adult life, and most of my childhood I have had relaxed hair. Last year, after my wedding I decided I had enough of caustic, toxic, dangerous chemicals. I stopped relaxing or "perming" my hair and went natural.

I am transitioning my hair as opposed to doing a "big chop", which means that I am simply allowing the relaxer to grow out instead of cutting all the relaxed hair off.

Transitioning your hair is not easy. Your hair is very fragile along the line of demarcation which is the point where your natural new growth ends and the chemically treated relaxed hair begins. If you aren't careful your hair could completely snap off along that line of demarcation. However, if you do the chop, you will lose inches and inches of hair, depending on how long your hair is.

So you have to baby your hair. That includes minimizing heat and manipulation. I have been wearing twist outs to protect my hair. That means that I wash and condition my hair, add some curl defining products and then twist my hair in straw sized twists. Once they are dry I untwist them leaving my hair wavy and curly. I, emphasis on I, think my hair looks BEAUTIFUL.

However, there are many people who don't like natural black hair. Anything but bone straight hair is considered ugly. You expect people who are not of African descent to think that our hair in it's natural state is unpretty. But unfortunately it's been my fellow black and brown people who have been the most discouraging about my transition. I have heard everything from:

"What did you do to your hair?"
"I like your hair better straight!"
"You had such pretty hair. What happened?"
"Are you trying to get dredlocks?"
"Why would someone with good hair try to get bad hair?"

And on, and on and on.

We are so brainwashed. We need to be educated on how to care for and love our hair, but never losing sight of the fact that...

IT'S

JUST

HAIR

!

In this instance, it's MY hair. I have made the decision to go natural. I remember a few weeks ago I brushed out my hair to put it in a curlytail aka a curly ponytail. It was the first time that I had felt that texture in my own head in years. I said "Hello hair! Long time no see!" And it felt good.

I for one refuse to put any more caustic, abrasive chemicals in my hair. I am accepting the tresses that The Lord has blessed me with. Yeah, my hair doesn't look it's sexiest during this awkward transition, but when all the relaxed hair is gone and my natural kinky curly qs are making up 100% of my hair I will be super happy!

This is probably my longest blog ever, full of digressions and ramblings, but here are three reasons why natural hair is better for me:

1) I can go curly OR straight! Relaxed hair can only be straight.
2) My natural hair has twice the volume than my relaxed hair.
3) My relaxed hair seems to have a terminal length. Yes, I keep it clipped and cut just under my shoulders, but I'm not sure it would grow much longer than that if I kept it going. Yet I am 8+ months post relaxer and my hair is growing faster than ever.

That's it for now. Stay tuned for more on my hair journey.

All I do is win, win, win no matter what!

Well, not really. But you're never too old for make believe. :)

I took a great social media course by Manny Sarmiento. To say that he's a guru would be an understatement. People, if you're looking to learn the nuts and bolts of this new world of marketing please track Manny down and sign up for one of his courses. If you think that you're on the cusp of social media simply because you have a facebook fan page and twitter page you are wrong! There's so much more to it.

For example, I was breezing through Facebook today and a friend of mine had yet another annoying sales pitch urging readers to call her 800 number to get into some MLM program she's in. She probably thinks she'll grow her business that way, and that's usually how people pitch their products. But honestly, would YOU call her 800 number when hit with a daily barrage of messages selling you something? No? Then don't do it to other people. There's a trick to lure in buyers but that aint it. Manny will tell you how it's done. To that end, this blog, and my church's blog will be updated more regularly. So no more months between posts. You'll get something fresh out the oven at least twice a week.

I can go on and on about Manny's courses (which will be offered as a full fledged certification program at Millennia Atlantic University soon). But what I really want to say is that I have so much I want to accomplish in 2010 and the year is half way out. Right now I'm working on completing the mba primer so I can attend graduate school. I just started a new job about 3 months ago. I am the Communications and PR manager for a large South Florida non-profit. That job keeps me plenty busy, along with my side business which is a fledgling media company that does film/photography/web. My 18 year old is weeks from graduating High School, so there's senior prom, her cotillion, and graduation coming up. I'm in the process of moving into a new house. My husband just had knee surgery. I am super busy on committees at my church- oh yeah, so stay tuned for tomorrows blog. We have a historic event coming up that I want half of Miami to attend!

My life is just so full. So if you look back at my old blog posts where my life was pretty sparse and fastfoward a few years to what's going on now... night and day. I thank GOD for all his blessings! God has definitely been working in my life so I will always give him all the praise, honor and glory! Amen!

One Stop Shop

Google is so cool! I love it's clean design and no fuss execution. Yahoo just has too much going on for me. Anyway, for those of you who are always asking for a calculator, or who wonder who won last nights game, or who want to know how far it is from Point "A" to Point "B", look no further!

Click here! I promise it's not porn, spyware, a virus or some annoying online quiz!

I think I'm in love! Bookmark the link if you feel the same!

Smoochez!

Moving Right Along...

I may not have a lot of money. I may not be the picture of perfect health. I may not be exactly where I want to be in life. But you know what? i am HAPPY. For the first time in my life I can say I an truly happy even through all lifes trials and trips.

I think it has a lot to do with me going back to church. My grandmother begged me for years to get back active in church and I resisted her at every turn. In a nutshell I thought church was for losers. Yes I loved The Lord and considered myself to be a God fearing individual. But sit up in a holier than thou sweaty hot church all day on a Sunday when I could be napping, eating out, on the beach, or just staring at the four corners of my living room? No thanks.

I found myself walking through the open door at Church of the Open Door on First Sunday, March 1, 2009. I admit I was skeptical. I thought I'd find myself in the midst of naive old ladies pouring their life savings into some charlatans fat daddy pockets. Said fat daddy would be pushing a benz through the streets of Miami while the little old ladies tinkered around in 1987 Dodge Darts. Suffice to say I was VERY pleasantly surprised to be greeted with warm embraces, open hearts and kind words. I truly feel that my church- yes, MY church because I took my new member vows on Sunday May 2, 2009- accepted my girls and I as part of the family and I have never felt so tranquil. So at ease. So lovED and lovING. People warn me not to spread myself too thin in working for the church but I love servicing and doing the work of The Lord. As I pinned pink flower after pink flower, made pink bow after pink bow and toiled away to awash The Lyric Theater in pink my mind was in a calm state of nirvana. I was humming. ME, humming!

I could go on and on and on, but I think it's obvious that I an passionate about my faith and my church. I can't wait until tomorrow! We kick off our 41st Annual Pink Tea and paint the city of Miami PINK! I got the cutest matching outfits for the girls. One is almost 18 and the other is 15- far too old for dressing alike but the outfits were so hot that I had to get them for the girls. I will put up pictures of the event sometime next week.

In the meantime here is a picture of our wedding cake tasting that took place today.

We decided on a 5 tier buttercreme cake with 3 layers in vanilla rum, the other 2 in amaretto. The picture to the left is what it will look like except with the extra 5th tier. The flowers on top will be baby pink and white. It's going to be soooo beautiful! The closer I get to our wedding day and the more we confirm details the more excited I become. I'm practically bouncing off the walls at 1 in the morning!

Full Day

Yesterday started out at snails pace. I took a Zyrtec pill at around 630am and I was super drowsy at work. I found myself passing out at my desk several times. I don't know how I made it but even with one of my feet in dreamland, the other in reality I managed to accomplish so much yesterday. I was so proud of myself I bragged to my brother, sister and fiancée about what a busy bee I was! I completed:

1) The first pre-martial counseling session with my pastor and my fiancée. It went very well and I was so happy that my man opened up to someone who, in essence, is a complete stranger to him. I see these next 4 meetings being very productive and I can't wait until next month to tackle more marital solutions. We also put the official date on the pastors calendar, and booked the church for the actual ceremony.

2) I was on the fence about which bakery I was going to choose to do our cake. In the end, the lack of a selection from Bakery A made me go with Bakery B, which is Cake Designs by Edda. I made an appointment for us to have a tasting next Saturday and let them know which cake I was leaning towards so that they would definitely have that sample available.

3) I took a power nap on my fiancée's lap. It felt sooo good! I don't require a lot of sleep to survive but I was crashing yesterday. I woke up charged and ready to go after 9pm last night and this is when I accomplished most of my tasks.

4) I FINALLY completed our first wedding guest list. There are 180+ people on the list. I pray that 80 people decline though so I can get the number right at 100. LOL! No seriously I wish we had room for every family member and every friend that we both have but we are paying per plate and as anyone who has ever had a big wedding knows - it can be very expensive. Most of the people we invited have to come from out of state to attend so there may be a lot of declines from NY, Jamaica, NC etc. But everyone in Florida will most likely make it so I know that a wonderful time will be had by all.

5) I sent out requests for physical addresses for all invited guests. They have started filtering in as of this morning. It seems like maintaing this will be a lot of work so I will probably ask my matron or maid of honor to keep the list updated for me.

6) Finally got my brother to take the HUGE bag of clothes out of my living room to be donated. The bag was heavier than a dead body and packed with brand new and gently used teenage clothes. I tried to donate them to my church by they keep their pantry small so it wasn't an option. My brother knows of a place that gives away donations to domestic abuse victims and of course I was happy to oblige. It felt good knowing that someone else can benefit from us.

7) Began working on a grass roots publicity campaign for our 41st Annual Pink Tea. You can click the link for details.

I think there is more, but that should be enough for now. I do know that I have made a comittment not to take on any more projects. So...

My wedding
Helping my grandmother get her fiances back in order
Preparing my 15 year old for her boyfriends senior prom
Readying myself for a prospect I have been working on for years
The 41st Annual Pink Tea.
Weight Watchers

Are on the front burner right now. Everything else will have to wait until after the wedding. My plate runneth over!

Reason #4080 To Eat Home Cooked Meals...

Those who know me IRL (in real life) know that I recently joined Weight Watchers to shed these unwanted pounds. Now make no mistake, your girl is fly even though there's more of her to love than there was back in the day. But I definitely need to lose a lot of weight to be healthy and have more energy. The pictures below affirm what I already know- eating out isn't always the healthiest choice, and, can at times be straight up FILTHY, NASTY, AND DOWNRIGHT UNSANITARY!!! The pictures below are from New China Restaurant on 1805 Montana Avenue in our nations capitol, Washington DC!!! This is how they "prep" their fish for those fish and chip platters people eat up every day and probably scrape the plate afterwards. GROSS!

Catharsis

It's been more than a minute. I said that I would update this blog regularly but did not keep my word. Sometimes we let life get in the way of living. As it were, I had two deaths in my family within a two week period that rocked the very core of my existence.

As some of you may know, both my parents have passed on. My dad died a violent death on July 4, 1995 in a Brooklyn basement. No one will ever know the truth about what happened in that dank and decrepit place where my father spent his last moments on earth. I obssessed about it for years until my mother died suddenly on November 12, 2001. She died in her sleep after having a grand mal seizure. And with that I felt a page turn in my life. Unless you've lost a parent, I cannot describe to you what it feels like. And we all know that it's natural for us to outlive our parents. But when you lose both of them by the time you hit 25... that's... devastating to say the least.

My paternal grandfather died in 2007. We lived right around the corner from each other and never saw one another. There's baggage there. Unresolved now, because the opportunity to work things out and forge a relationship has come and gone.

Then on March 30, 2009 my maternal grandfather died in his sleep from complications from colon cancer. My grandfather was the father I had when my biological didn't bother to quote Shaq. He was also a man of few words so I'll be concise here. He was a wonderful family man, a WWII vet who came home in one piece with honors. A retiree from UPS who raised 3 kids and had a hand in raising 8 grandkids. I am so happy he lived to see Obama in office. As an educated man, a Mason, a member of the Kiwanis club and a trained tailor my grandfather was the epitome of strong black man. Women today could only wish to get a scintilla of the man that he was and they would still have a mighty mighty good man on their arms. RIP Daddy!

My grandmother then lost her brother 2 weeks later. He too was such a solid man. They just don't make them like they used to. He was a Korea vet, a retired Federal government employee, a father to 3 children, a loving husband... I can go on and on. But I'd rather just celebrate their lives.

Because even in death, there can be a rebirth for those who are still among the living. If the passing of a friend or relative doesn't make you stand up and take notice... smell the roses... feel that ocean breeze kiss your chocolate cheek- then you, my friend aren't really living. And the only difference between you and those who have passed on are motor functions. So stop what you are doing. Close the laptop. Turn off the television. Go outside, whether it's day or night and gaze up at the sky. Marvel in the beautiful day or night that God has made and allowed you to see for a least one more day. You only have one life to live so live it to the absolute fullest.

Great Escape #3: Fort Lauderdale Beach

I wrote this blog months ago. I want say like over six months ago and saved it as a draft. I'm publishing it now after another washup of a NYE. I swear I'm going to NYC to party this year. I just can't take another boring NYE.

Remind me- what is the allure of South Beach?

Don't get me wrong, I've had some really good times there. I broke my Miami teeth back in the days at The Clevelander (is it ever coming back)? Back when I could actually squeeze into a size 7 I strutted my stuff up and down the sandy shores, club soda in hand, perpetrating like it was vodka. But for me, South Beach lacks something. I think it lacks personality. Alas I divorced SOBE to marry FLLB.

People like lists. So I'll give the people what they want. Here are the top 10 reasons why Fort Lauderdale Beach trumps South Beach:

1. Less traffic: you can't park on the strip that runs along the beach. So traffic is far more free flowing than on Ocean in SOBE.

2. Piggybacking off #1, less pousers: I saw a man with a broken neck getting down at Fat Tuesday's on FLLB. No one would dare make a complete ass out of theirself on SOBE.

3. Parking is existent: There are tons of public parking lots and even a few paid ones sprinkled throughout the FLLB area. A stark contrast to SOBE where your car could easily become a liability.

4. More things to do: Along with a bigger Fat Tuesdays, which is free to get in to, there are a bunch of great restaurants that serve great food that won't put a dent in your wallet. Add in a bunch of nightclubs where people aren't afraid to dance and you're already miles ahead of the game.

5. The ocean is a lot closer to the FLLB shoreline than it is to the SOBE shoreline: How annoying is it to have to carry a heavy cooler, blanket, umbrella a mile down to the ocean? You don't have to worry about all that in Fort Lauderdale. The ocean is literally a few steps away from the sea wall. Bad for residents if a big wave or hurricane washes in. Good for visiting beach bunnies like us. :)

6. The beach is very family friendly: I wouldn't recommend taking your infant to one of the ocean front bars, but you could most certainly take them out on the actual beach for a day of fun in the sun. No worries that your child will see exposed breasts or booty meat hanging out of thongs. True story- I had my kids out on SOBE one Sunday afternoon and there were ACTUAL PORN STARS recruiting men to sleep with them on film back at whatever seedy hotel they had booked for the occasion. Said porn stars APPROACHED not only my brother but MY FIANCEE and I on camera while my kids were but a few feet away. So far that hasn't happened on FLLB and I doubt it ever will.

7. The drive down to the beach is scenic and beautiful: Las Olas Boulevard is spectacular. Water front mini mansions with yatchs docked out back is a dream life and it's nice to be so close to prestige and affluence. You don't have to crane your neck to see Fischer/Star Island while speeding down the interstate or pay $40 to take a boat cruise past mansions. You can drive slowly by and imagine yourself living in the lap of luxury. Aside from the opulent homes there is beautiful blue water, interesting wildlife and swaying palm trees beckoning you to enter into paradise.

8. Like USA Channel, characters are welcome. Self explanatory.

9. Cheaper airfare, cheaper hotels, just cheaper everything.

10. The Hard Rock Casino area. Nuff said.

Consider taking a vacation to Fort Lauderdale and skip Miami. It's your chance to do something different. Everyone does SOBE. But few can say they did FLLB.

Family Ties

The older I get, the more I value my "blood ties".

Much as I am ashamed to admit it, as a teenager I shunned my family. I felt disconnected and wanted nothing more than to escape. My mother gave birth to me at a very young age and it shaped my views on the world around me- and not always in a positive way. I wasn't starving in the streets or anything like that. But I didn't have a Cosby type of childhood and I can't help but feel that if it wasn't for my grandparents my life would be the polar opposite of what it is now. I don't want to delve into details- but let's just say that teen parenthood, drugs and a short lifespan are just a few things that were at the end of the path that I would have been on had it not been for Miss Estelle and Mr. Cliff.

Fastforward to 2008. My grandfather is laying in a hospital bed fighting for his life. I am struggling to keep my sanity as the only real father figure I ever had withers away in front of my eyes. My kid sister who I vowed never to speak to again exactly two years ago has popped back up in our lives and the jury is still out on whether or not she can be trusted. My first cousin who has always been the shining white knight of the family has major chinks in his armor that is showing signs of rust. My fiancee doesn't have the luxury of a smooth, gradual transition into meeting my maternal family. He is thrust into face first- with all the drama, all the jockeying for power, all the animosity, the grudges- the EVERYTHING. The fact that he still wants my hand in marriage after that introduction into my family is... a miracle.

Yet through it all, I realize that family is the most important thing in the world to any of us. Instead of envying others it's dawning on me that it could be a lot worse. Though my mother would have never won any Mom of the Year awards- she didn't Caylee me and cut my life short before it even started. She did her best and I'm here. I am a good mother, a good fiancee and future wife. A fair and competent boss. A PHENOMENAL friend- even to those who don't deserve it. A spiritual woman who loves The Lord and doesn't let a day go by without connecting with Him in my own way. A wonderful though controlling family member to my relatives (I'm working on it). A solid, law abiding citizen when so many are out here getting theirs by any means necessary. Ok, I speed and break traffic laws but I don't litter, do drugs or steal. I volunteer on a regular basis, give to charity, vote, serve my jury duty, pay my taxes and haven't killed anyone. Yet.

So as 2008 comes to a close I want to thank my mother and father for making me. I want to thank my grandparents for raising me into a strong woman of color. I want to thank my neighbors and family for molding me and giving me character. Thanks to all my friends who offered a shoulder when I cried and a gave wake up calls when I wallowed in self pity. I hope 2009 finds my grandfather in much better health if it's in God's good graces and I vow to continue to work on self so that I become a better person not only for myself but for those around me- especially to the man that I will marry in less than 9 months.

Fork In The Road

A few months ago I watched a horrible straight to dvd movie with my fiancee called "Fork In The Road". It was produced by a Jamaican company and apparently gets a lot of love back in NY and in Jamaica. As a budding filmmaker I give props to anyone with the guts to get their work out there on the small or silver screens. But come on now. All I have to say is watch it. You'll be disappointed, but hey. It's cold out. You don't have anything else to do.

I digress. I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. After all the changes that came about in my life in 2007 I feel that 2009 needs to usher in even more CHANGE. Just call me Obama Girl out this bitch because it's gotta get better. I won't say it can't get any worse but GOD please give your child a break.

I know that with every life challenge I become stronger. I am a better person because of all the struggles I've been through. Like my cousin said on my wedding website. I'm a pearl. You have to get through the tough exterior to reach the beautiful jewel inside. It's deep down there somewhere. Not everyone can gain access though.

With that being said I know that I need to close some chapters in my life. Many people are taking up space in the prime real estate that is the pre-war Upper East Side condo called MY LIFE. Those people will soon come to find that I won't even entertain the them and all their petty BS anymore. Unless they've been fighting in Iraq, fighting for their life in a hospital or just plain fighting with themselves, everyone in my life knows that I have been through some MAJOR ish over the past month or so. Those who were there for me, thank you. I love you all very much and the blessings that I know God will rain on me in 09 will be yours as well. For those of you too caught up in your own melodramas to even notice that your girl was HURTING and that it took a lot for her to even reach out to you because she doesn't like to show chinks in her armor... You will find yourself on the other side of the locked door to my pre-war condo. Simply put, it's not all about you. And if you feel I'm talking about you, then I probably am.

I hit the road tomorrow, but I promise I will update more. My exploits in Miami are becoming legendary and I want to share. If nothing else this blog will be cathartic to me as I relieve some weight off my shoulders.

Til next time people. I know I lost many of you along the way because I suck I keeping this blog updated but again I'm working on it. :)