Giving to the Needy or Being Played For a Fool?

I used to work for a non profit that helped needy people. But even before that I understood that if I wanted to help the needy I had to be sure to give in the appropriate place and time. So instead of handing a dollar to a homeless person why not get your organization to sponsor an meal for an entire shelter of homeless people? That way you know your dollars are going into filling the bellies of people who really need food- and not into the arm of a junkie. Are all homeless people on drugs? Of course not. But there is a better chance of your dollar doing the most good if you give to the organization that is set up to help. Besides, if the non profit is set up correctly they should be giving more than just food. They should be providing housing, rehab programs, job placement and other tools for transitioning from a life on the streets into self reliance.

The other day I was in Tallahassee dropping my youngest off at college. We had purchased a lot of her stuff in Miami, but some things needed to wait until we got to the school- like food. Whenever we wanted to hit a store we would plug the name into the gps and drive to the nearest location. In this instance we were looking for a Family Dollar. The closest one ended up being in a not so nice neighborhood. I'm never uncomfortable in those situations though. I'm from New York City, there isn't much that fazes me in that regard. But the minute I put my foot out the car a woman appeared out of nowhere. "Hello," she stated, locking eyes with me, clearly oblivious to my discomfort. "Hi," I said cautiously, being sure to check my surroundings to make sure she wasn't distracting me while something else was going on. My youngest was busy taking our purses from the car and securing the vehicle. When she was finished I remotely locked the doors to ensure the items we had just purchased from Wal-Mart, Bed Bath & Beyond, Target etc were safe. We started walking towards the Family Dollar. We didn't get two feet before the woman screamed "I need pads. I got my period." I shot a confused look at the woman. "Ok..." I mumbled. "You're not gonna help me out?" she demanded angrily. I gave the woman the illest mean mug from the depths of Bed Sty Brooklyn. Sensing that we were not the garden variety family who she could punk out of a few dollars, the woman took off. 

I was incensed. When did it become appropriate to announce in a parking lot that you have your period, and demand that strangers purchase sanitary napkins for you?! Seriously?! We have GOT to do better. This female was clearly not homeless. She was decently dressed. Her hair was done. If I remember correctly she had on sunglasses. I mean really? If she was that bad off any shelter in the city would have given her a care package if she spent the night. That would be far more dignified than trolling parking lots for help. Part of me believes she was making it up for money for drugs. Because I can't bring myself to believe that a woman would get her hair done, buy shades, do all these things and not have those items taken care of. Wow.

Then, on the way back to Miami, my car was running low on gas. I was in Broward county- but I was still too far from home to risk making it all the way to the house. So I came off the turnpike and hit the first gas station I passed which was some off brand Amerika gas or something. It was dark, so I looked around to check out the area before pumping my gas. I also always remove my keys from the ignition and lock my car doors when I pump gas. That way anyone trying to sneak on the other side to open the door to steal my purse or anything else while I'm distracted will be sadly deterred by a locked door. Think I'm paranoid? This happened to several of my friends- including my husband who actually had his car MOVED FROM THE PUMP while he went inside the pay for his gas. Anyway this man appeared out of nowhere and asked "Can you give me a half a tank of gas?" I looked at him like he was crazy. He proceeded to tell me that he had just dropped his sister off at a homeless shelter in Broward and he needed gas to get back to Miami. As he's talking he's inching closer and closer to me. I'd had enough and told him "Back up." Startled with my aggressive tone, he asked "Do you want to see what a brown recluse spider bite looks like?" and held out his arm as if I were going to come closer. When he saw I wasn't playing the game he was trying to play he disappeared as quickly as he appeared. I finished pumping my gas and high tailed it out of there.

From pads to half tanks of gas, people have no problem asking strangers for ridiculous items as if said strangers owe them a debt. I give generously to charity and work hundreds of community service hours yearly. It was mandatory that my children did as well. However, don't play me for a fool. I was born at night- not last night. If you see me, bypass with all that nonsense. If you are in Miami and you ask me for money or food I will hand you a card to the Miami HAC. There you will find three hots, a cot, a warm shower each night, job placement assistance, clothing, and other tools to help you help yourself. If you're not ready to take that step I will pray with you. But I will not hand over my hard earned so that you can line your pockets for a day of adventure. And no one will make me feel bad about that fact. I've been everything from a hungry broke college student, to a hot shot media maven with a combined household income of well into six figures, back down to an unemployed media maven who still had thousands of dollars of monthly household expenses and a fraction of my normal salary coming in. I had to make it work somehow- and for years I did just that. Without resorting to demanding things from strangers. It can be done! Everything else is just a sad excuse. //End Rant//