Miami "Cold" Snap

View outside my 3rd floor brownstone apartment in Brooklyn, New York after a snow storm in 2006. Yes, those are two cars next to him.

A friend just called me on some "Wooo Lawd" mess because it's considered "cold" in Miami. I guess, if you have nothing else to compare it to. Don't get me wrong- you need a jacket. But all this "Ooooo it's so cold" and calling on the Lord for 50 degrees and a little wind... Over the top.

Entire street outside that same window.

What do they know about cold so brutal you feel it with every fiber of your being? Wind that takes away your breath in your throat? Cold that makes your eyes water and turn your tears to ice on your cheek? Cold that freezes the tips of ears, noses, fingers and toes? Cold that cracks lips, skin and leather? Cold that makes every orifice in your upper body leak? And what of the snow? Snow that buries everything in it's wake? Including your front steps, your car, your legs up to the knee and your dog if you're silly enough to walk him? But wait. It gets worse! When you make it to a safe haven, away from the cold, wind and possible snow your body begins to thaw out, sending sharp needles of pain throughout your system as the blood begins to flow to those frozen limbs.

View outside my back window. THIS is a good gauge of how rough it was because unlike the front which must be shoveled and paved for pedestrians backyards are left to their own devices until the snow melts.

If you're not stomping snow off your Timbs upon entering a building, or rubbing your hands together while you blow on them to spark a 'lil heat, if you're not covering from toe tip to head top in boots, underarmor, tights, thermal socks, heavy jeans, a knee length or longer fleece lined coat, Isotoner gloves, a t-shirt, a sweater, a scarf long enough to wrap around your chest inside the coat, come up over the neck of the coat to wrap around your neck and come up over your lips right under your eyes which are covered with shades or glasses, replete with a hat, and ear muffs then you my friend ARE NOT COLD. Oh yeah- your little ipods/phones/pads would short out right in your ear if you try to have some tunes to keep your company on your trek ON FOOT through a North East Tundra. So run the 5 feet from your condo to your car that I'm sure has heat to go along with that AC, put on a jacket and suck it up.

Love,

A Nor' Easter.

RYNGRUPEVEF3

The Fleecing of America Part #1: High School Graduations

Some of you may know that my oldest "baby" graduated from High School this past year. Friday, June 11, 2010 to be exact. To make a very long story short, I calculate that I shelled out close to five thousand dollars on her during the course of her senior year.

I know. You're sitting there with your mouth agape. And though I can't remember ALL the fees, I do remember getting a "checklist" when she was a junior. Many of those activities, events and items cost well over $500. There were at least ten things on the list. Now, even though she didn't do all of them, she did enough. Coupled with her cotillion which took place that Sunday, June 13, 2010, I can safely say I spent well over $4,000 on baby girl.

Now, I'm not a penny pincher. Though I am not living as glamorously as I did when I was working in corporate America and getting bonus checks that were 5 digits, I still like to have nice things. I drive a late model car, that I purchased brand new. In fact, out of the five cars I've purchased in my life, three of them were brand new. Though I maintain my hair at home now- it's mostly because I'm trying keep it healthy and getting it fried, dyed and laid to the side every week at Maria's Dominicana Salon or Bonita's Bump N Curl kinda counteract that goal. However, I get my pink and white manicures, pedicures and eyebrows done on the reg. I still shop, eat out, purchase gadgets, do a bit of traveling, tithe (yes, 10%. Praise God from whom all blessings flow). But I'm sorry, thousands of bucks for a graduation, especially in this economy is some bull.

Keep in mind, I just got married last September. We're still paying for something things from that event. Though we paid for a lot of things cash and many other things were gifted to us from family and loved ones- we still paid a pretty penny for our wedding. We had about 100 guests, give or take 5 or 10. We had an open bar at a restaurant that overlooks the water and has an amazing view of the Miami night sky line. We had a lavish buffet, a stretch Hummer... yadda yadda yadda. So yeah. We already paid out the wazoo for our wedding. After all, me and the marriage thing is a ONE time event. So fairy tale it had to be. But over the top graduations... No.

I'm going to her THIRD graduation this year next Tuesday. She graduated from basic training back in September. She graduates from AIT next week. I'm sure the Army will have another 5 graduations before it's all said and done. And of course, she'll graduate from undergrad, grad and hopefully post grad schools. So...

I guess what I'm ranting about is the fact that these companies are pimping the hell out of these kids and their parents. We are not rich. When I had my big corporate America job I was upper middle classed at best. Now that I'm doing my own thing I'm scraping along the fringes of lower middle class, and POOR. So imagine my surprise when my 16 year old junior called me yesterday to tell me that HER ring is pricing out at a cool $700? Her sisters, just last year was $600. Are they mad?

And then if you try to get yours done with another vendor, they bar your child from participating in the ring ceremony which is supposed to be the "official moment when juniors become rising seniors". I saw the sadness in my 16 year olds eyes when I said "Hell to the no!" Well, actually I said "Absolutely not!", but I was thinking the former. Of course, after thinking about it, I can NOT deny her what her sister had just last year. Especially when she's doing so well in school, and balances all her activities and studies to perfection. In fact, because she's such a super girl, she's being honored at an event this Saturday. She won't even be around to accept the award (I'm accepting it on her behalf). She'll be out of town at a weekend conference for one of her organizations. Did I mention she's also been tapped to be on the Board of Directors at a non-profit that mentors inner city youth? So yeah, she deserves to get the ring she wants. But why does it have to be so damned expensive?!

Last point- after my oldest graduated last year there was this vendor outside selling replicas of their diplomas at $35 a pop. I know how much it costs to make those little plaque thingys. En masse- probably about $5 each. So do the math. 700 graduating seniors x $30 profits = $21,000 at ONE graduation. These companies are coming up on us and pimping us for every dollar in our pocket and we just smile and ask may we have another. I promise if we have more kids we won't even get sucked into this mess. And they won't know any better because we never exposed them to any of it to begin with.

#END RANT#

Happy Anniversary! 1+ Year Post Relaxer

As I stated in my earlier blog about Brazillian Keratin Treatments I am transitioning my hair from relaxed to natural, which for me will mean relaxer free. It has been a long journey full of self discovery and enlightnment, but it has also had some low points like close mindedness from others, setbacks (I lost about a sixth of my hair on one side due to someone who was doing my hair not taking the time to detangle properly) and just downright fatigue.

As I stated in another post It's Just Hair! Don't make it more than it is. Do what you want to do with your hair because at the end of the day what you put in yours doesn't hinder or benefit mine and vice versa. I am a very strong minded person and don't mind having a discussion about an issue, but make no mistake about it- once my mind is made up it's made up and nothing you say or do will change my opinion. 

Unlike some women who have chosen this journey, I don't look down on women who continue to relax their hair. Shoot, everyone who knows me KNOWS I love a freshly done Dominican blow out. I loved the way my hair looked relaxed. The thing was, it was TOO relaxing. It gets boring after a while. There is but so much you can do with bone straight hair. Going natural means I can be bone straight on Friday and curly wild child tresses on Sunday. That's the versatiliy of it all. Also, I think we all know that any type of chemcial altering to your hair damages it by design. The actual process of chemically treating your hair means you are breaking down the hair strand to rebuild it into something else. Whether that rebuilding means straight to curly, curly to straight, keratin in gaps, dark hair stripped to apply a lighter color etc, your hair is forever changed. Eventually thinning will occur because hair can't withstand all that forever. And don't come telling me about your relaxed hair grandnana who still has hair to her butt. It may be to her butt- but is it full and healthy? I would never trade long hair for healthy hair. If my hair was a finger snap long but full, healthy and shiny as opposed to waist length and ratty with see-through ends I'll stick with finger snap all day long.

But yeah, happy anniversary to me! I had planned on blowing out my hair this week to see how much it has grown but I'm good. I really don't care. I wear it twisted most of the time anyway so it doesn't matter at this juncture how long it is. I just can't wait to trim off the last of these straight ends! 

Here are some pictures I took the other night with my phone. Not the best resolution but you get the point.

Lata!

HAIR IN 4 SECTIONS. MAKES FOR EASY WASHING AND DETANGLING. I'LL EXPLAIN IN A LATER BLOG.

HAIR IS PAST SHOULDERS

NEED TO CLIP THESE SCRAGGLY ENDS! BUT STILL WANNA ROCK A PONYTAIL EVERY NOW AND THEN SO FOR NOW I WAIT!

 

CURLY ROOTS, RELAXED ENDS. CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE JUST ONE TEXTURE!!!

Church of the Open Door Women's Weekend 2010

 

Living and Working to promote God's Will is the theme of this years Women's Weekend! Our featured guest speaker is the amazing Bernadette A. Morris, CEO of Sonshine Communications, Black PR Wire and Women Grow Strong. These workshops are FREE to the public and include continental breakfast and lunch. You may register on our website, http://churchoftheopendoormiami.org/ or by e-mailing secretary@churchoftheopendoormiami.org. See you there!

Nearly 1 Year Post Relaxer...

I know, I don't update. But reading an article a friend sent me about the dangers of Brazillian Keratin Treatments, or BKT as some ladies call it, I felt compelled to say something.

First, I got a Brazillian Keratin treament earlier this year. I was convinced by my stylist and a good friend of mine that it would help me in my journey away from chemicals and into my natural haired state. The reasons why I took the plunge were:

1. I was having a lot of issues with my hair. To this day I think I had the urban myth of scab hair on my head. After I stopped using relaxers I thought that the full, thick, kinky curly tresses of my childhood that I would see in my new growth would quickly reappear. They didn't, and instead an ugly, dry tangled mat of unruliness adorned the top of my head to the point where I wanted to slap a perm in it and keep it moving. BKT seemed like a less caustic alternative.

2. I was told that BKT was made up mostly of keratin, which is supposedly healthy for your hair.

3. BKT was supposed to "fill the gaps in my hair cuticles" that had been damaged by relaxers, styling and heat.

4. Though my hair would still look beautiful when blown straight, it lacked shine. I was told that BKT would give me that glossy look that I had been so used to my whole relaxed life.

5. I like being the first among my friends to do stuff. I like to be the trendsetter, not the follower. ;)

Here are the reasons I STOPPED BKT'ing after that one time. No, I do NOT use BKT on my hair any longer and heres why:

1. It's too expensive! Who has $200+ to spend in one sitting? In addition to the regular visits to the stylist?

2. It's too caustic. I shouldn't be about to faint from the smell of my stylist applying it. Similarly, she should not be donning a gas mask and butchers apron with gloves up to her arpits either. If the stylist needs THAT much protection from the chemical during the application process why the heck should I put that mess on my HEAD?

3. It's still a chemical. Stopping relaxers and opting for BKT instead is doing nothing but going from one chemical dependency to another.

4. After you first get it done you can't get your hair wet for like 3 days. I live in South Florida. Sometimes I get caught in the rain. I also can't take a shower without the nape of my hair getting wet. $250 down the drain is not a good look.

5. Though my hair was fly afterwards, it wasn't fly enough to justify aallllll that stuff I just listed. I'll put up some pictures of my hair relaxer straight and BKT straight and you be the judge.

So there you have it. Ladies you make the decision for what is right for YOUR head. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life or to argue about what's healthy, cost effecient or whatever. But for Ms. Escape Brooklyn, I'll stick to the basics in hair care from now on.

She's Apologized, Let's Move On.

You'd have to be living in a soundproof room in your mother's basement not to have seen or heard about the Seattle police officer caught on tape punching a teen who was resisting arrest in the face.

This blog will be brief. I agree that old girl was WRONG AND A HALF for resisting arrest. But the officer needs to be retrained. Punching a female in the face should never be an answer for any man unless his life is at risk. And don't get me started on the fact that this was a little girl and he's a grown MAN. I mean come on now.

I don't even want to spend too much time on the subject, because she's apologized and he's back on his beat. But word to the wise young world, when a police officer tells you to comply- just do it. You'll have your day in court later. And to officers who think that young black women are punching bags- find another profession. Next time you might not get to skate on the situation so easily.

It's Just Hair!

Why are black people so caught up on hair?

It's a question I keep asking myself as I deal with the barrage of confusion that people feel towards me for deciding to go natural.

My entire adult life, and most of my childhood I have had relaxed hair. Last year, after my wedding I decided I had enough of caustic, toxic, dangerous chemicals. I stopped relaxing or "perming" my hair and went natural.

I am transitioning my hair as opposed to doing a "big chop", which means that I am simply allowing the relaxer to grow out instead of cutting all the relaxed hair off.

Transitioning your hair is not easy. Your hair is very fragile along the line of demarcation which is the point where your natural new growth ends and the chemically treated relaxed hair begins. If you aren't careful your hair could completely snap off along that line of demarcation. However, if you do the chop, you will lose inches and inches of hair, depending on how long your hair is.

So you have to baby your hair. That includes minimizing heat and manipulation. I have been wearing twist outs to protect my hair. That means that I wash and condition my hair, add some curl defining products and then twist my hair in straw sized twists. Once they are dry I untwist them leaving my hair wavy and curly. I, emphasis on I, think my hair looks BEAUTIFUL.

However, there are many people who don't like natural black hair. Anything but bone straight hair is considered ugly. You expect people who are not of African descent to think that our hair in it's natural state is unpretty. But unfortunately it's been my fellow black and brown people who have been the most discouraging about my transition. I have heard everything from:

"What did you do to your hair?"
"I like your hair better straight!"
"You had such pretty hair. What happened?"
"Are you trying to get dredlocks?"
"Why would someone with good hair try to get bad hair?"

And on, and on and on.

We are so brainwashed. We need to be educated on how to care for and love our hair, but never losing sight of the fact that...

IT'S

JUST

HAIR

!

In this instance, it's MY hair. I have made the decision to go natural. I remember a few weeks ago I brushed out my hair to put it in a curlytail aka a curly ponytail. It was the first time that I had felt that texture in my own head in years. I said "Hello hair! Long time no see!" And it felt good.

I for one refuse to put any more caustic, abrasive chemicals in my hair. I am accepting the tresses that The Lord has blessed me with. Yeah, my hair doesn't look it's sexiest during this awkward transition, but when all the relaxed hair is gone and my natural kinky curly qs are making up 100% of my hair I will be super happy!

This is probably my longest blog ever, full of digressions and ramblings, but here are three reasons why natural hair is better for me:

1) I can go curly OR straight! Relaxed hair can only be straight.
2) My natural hair has twice the volume than my relaxed hair.
3) My relaxed hair seems to have a terminal length. Yes, I keep it clipped and cut just under my shoulders, but I'm not sure it would grow much longer than that if I kept it going. Yet I am 8+ months post relaxer and my hair is growing faster than ever.

That's it for now. Stay tuned for more on my hair journey.

Doing Me

It's a truly rewarding experience to work for self.

I punch no time clocks.

I answer to no one.

If I don't work, I don't eat. It's incentive stay busy and stay on my grind.

To that end, it feels so good to go that extra mile to the benefit of myself and my own family. When you work for others all your hard work is strictly for them. Yes, you may get a pat on the back. Maybe even a little bonus or a promotion. But nothing beats doing it for dolo.

I realize that I didn't mention that I am no longer with that large South Florida non-profit. Yes, I'm on my own now. My client roster is growing by the day. I realized something was wrong when I started turning down clients to keep my day job. It quickly dawned on me I could make more money on my own than working for someone else.

It's not just about the money though. Money isn't everything. As the greatest book in the world states "The love of money is the root of all evil." So I try not to base my happiness or lack thereof on whether I do or don't have money. As long as my family is "comfortable" and not wanting for anything I am good!

It's about being able to take vacations when I want.

It's about being able to work on my schedule.

It's about staying home to raise my children. I was never in daycare a day in my life. I have vowed that I would never put my children there either.

It's about being in traffic on the way to fun. Not because I'm in some cranky commute.

So stay with me as I take a leap out on faith. I can always go back to work for someone else if this doesn't pan out. But so far everything is looking beautiful!

Self Destruction 2010

The following note was taken from my surrogate brother's Facebook page after we witnessed a mob inciting a riot near JFK Middle School in North Miami Beach Florida. Parents, WHEN WILL WE STEP UP AND TAKE CHARGE OF OUR CHILDREN SO THAT THEY NO LONGER BEHAVE AS BLOOD THIRSTY ANIMALS INSTEAD OF YOUNG KINGS AND QUEENS WITH THE WORLD AT THEIR FEET? ENOUGH!

Destruction of Generation Me-Me-Me

Today at 6:04pm

With each passing day, I realize that today's teens are like black holes with nothingness there and quickly need to find Jesus. My sister and I were driving and happened to see a literal mob of about 100 additional teens following one frightened boy walking like he was about to sprint away from them at any minute. We asked if he was okay and he said no. We told him to jump in the car to make a speedy get away from the mob. Apparently, the frightened boy was using the phone of a girl that was deep inside that mob. Once he jumped into the car, the dizzy girl yelled, "give me back my phone." He did that but by doing that, it stopped us for a second and some idiot from the crowd of teens threw a rock at our car. I stopped the car because I was about to wreck shop (but then my sister screamed to zoom off). I thought about it as I was dialing 911 to get this kid some help: Yeah, they were much younger than me but who knows what weapons they may have had and a mob is still a mob. We ended up calling the police. There was a delay in them finding us because I told them an address but gave the wrong street number, which was one block over because that was the last street I saw before turning off. When the cops arrived, they'd told us they came from the original spot from where that fight had taken place. That boy had already been beaten because he had a bruise on his lip that the cops noticed before we did. The cops took it from there and said they would handle it. But the fact still remains that a group of 100 were going to jump, stomp and possibly murder some 8th grader over some simple, silly bull-ish. Had my sister and I not been at the right (or wrong depending how you see it) place at the right time, that 8th grade kid would've ended up like Chicago's Derrion Albert, who if you don't know, was attacked and murdered with a 2x4 as he was walking home from school. We have to wake these teens up and the generation after them to see there is a future out there for them if they just keep their eye on the prize and not try to be the biggest thug on the block or else the world will end like the movie Children of Men.

I Got The Power!

So many people are caught up in the struggle to gain power. They pursue power as if it were their lifes breath. And yet the reality of it is, there is no such thing as power. Only the perception of power. Absolute power absolutely does not exist.

I know you, my kinda faithful readers are shaking your heads while reading this blog. I know you guys are thinking I've fallen and bumped my noggin. But think about it. From your uptight boss, to your 8th period physics teacher to the state trooper giving you a ticket on the 95. None of those people have any real power. Everyone borrows clout from someone or something else. It may be the threat of being fired, or the risk of failing that big exam, or the $500 fine and points on your license that makes you submit to "authority". But at the end of the day your boss has a boss who has a boss who has a boss who reports to the board of directors who report to stockholders. Your teacher has a principal, who reports to the chancellor, who reports to the mayor who reports to the voters. The state trooper is a part of a bureaucracy that I won't even begin to break down. So in a nutshell, no one has any real power.

Then why do people toss their weight around as if their first name were Barack? Second name Obama? Maybe they're compensating for something missing in their lives. Maybe they get off on the perception of power. Maybe they are just truly evil cretins. Who can say? (It's interesting to note here that Mr. Obama may be the POTUS, but he can barely open an envelope without 38495950 Republicans jumping down his throat. Some power for the leader of the free world. But that's a whole nother topic.)

I'm not advocating cursing out your boss, flipping your teacher the bird or leading a state trooper on a 3 county high speed chase. No indeedy. What I'm saying is, don't be a jerk. If you are someone who is perceived as a person of power, don't abuse it. Don't trample on the little guy. Don't treat people as if they are beneath you. There's an old saying in the ruthless, cuththroat, go-getter lifestyle that is New York City Corporate America. It goes like this "The people you climb on to get to the top of the ladder will be the same ones you pass on the way down." So follow the golden rule. I know it's super trite but seriously, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Yes, I've had a crazy week with a bunch of crazy, power hungry individuals in different settings and all I have to say is you can't take it with you. We all serve a higher being, whether it's God, Yahweh, Allah or something that I won't even give space to in my blog. Know that you will have zero power when you meet that higher being. Simmer on that.

The 42nd Annual Pink Tea Concert featuring Alice Day, Internationally Renowned Jazz Vocalist and Miami Born Star

THE CHURCH OF THE OPEN DOOR (UCC)

TO HOLD

42^ND ANNUAL PINK TEA CONCERT

FEATURING WORLD RENOWNED JAZZ ARTIST

ALICE DAY

Jazz Great Alice Day will perform many of her international jazz hits!

WHO: The Church of the Open Door (UCC) and Jazz Artist Alice Day.

WHAT: The Church of the Open Door (UCC) in Miami will hold its 42^nd Annual Pink Tea Concert with jazz artist Alice Day as headliner. The Pink Tea Concert is The Church of the Open Door’s annual fundraiser. All donations generated by the concert will benefit the church mission and wider church ministries supporting the local community, disaster relief, children, hunger, and homeless ministries.

WHEN: Sunday, May 16, 2010, at 4:00 p.m.

WHERE: The Church of the Open Door 6001 NW 8^th Avenue Miami FL, 33127

WHY: Brenda Wilson, President of Circle 1 of the Women’s Fellowship, Church of the Open Door Miami said “We are thrilled to continue our legacy of magnificent entertainment at our Pink Tea Concert with world renowned Alice Day as our guest artist. We expect this to be a fabulous event!”

The Church of the Open Door Congregational, United Church of Christ (UCC) is a steady growth church in Miami, Florida. Our church has a rich legacy and history beginning in May 1958 and spanning over fifty years. As we journey through the next fifty years we aim to continue to grow in membership, faith, and community outreach. The Church of the Open Door objective is to bind together followers of Jesus Christ for the purpose of sharing in the worship of God and making His will dominate in the lives of people, individually and collectively, especially as that will is set forth in the life, teachings, death, resurrection, and the living presence of Jesus Christ. Our vision statement, adopted in June 2003, proclaims that We shall be a Holy Spirit filled Church, obeying the Word of God, serving and advancing the purity, power and passion of Jesus Christ, while capturing and empowering God's Community. Our mission is to holistically empower the members of our Church and our Community, while serving as an Oasis of Resources for those who are in a Desert of Need. For additional information go to:

http://churchoftheopendoormiami.org/